i permit you to call me
I cockslap morals
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
