Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
