That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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