i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
