I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
