I hate all girls vehemently.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
