he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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