We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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