life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
