in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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