Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
