he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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