idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
