and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
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For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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