I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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