So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
