mondays should just be called national damage control day
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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