Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Every concussion has its silver lining
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
