Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
