Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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