now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
