She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
