I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
