My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
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