Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
