I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
