I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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