You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
