Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize