Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
