Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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