I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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