Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
