the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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