FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
