I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
