can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
