If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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