she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
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The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
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Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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