I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Randomize
