ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
