The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
