Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
