Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
