I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
