In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
