If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
