I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
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If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
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Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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