Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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