the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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