So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
