so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Randomize
