K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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