sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
