the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
