Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
