she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You are the jesus of drinking
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
