Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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