God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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