Redeem this text for a blowjob
I understand Curling. That high.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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