I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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