Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
