Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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