Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
This baby is an asshole
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
