Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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