there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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