Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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