I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
