did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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