you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
